Jay’s Ramblings: Modern Romance, apparently

Well, the title is a little dramatic but I’d like to observe this point for just a moment because I’d like to see if anyone else can relate to what I am about to describe.

As I’m sure you all know, I’m currently living with my long term boyfriend of 7 years and we’ve been crazily in love and inseparable from the moment we met each other as teenagers. It’s become so odd recently because we’ve almost merged into one giant homogenous blob that do absolutely everything together. It has gotten so bad, he’s even started to channel my thoughts by saying things that I’d been casually thinking of at that moment. I’m not joking! But of course, it’s due to the fact that we’ve spent so long together that we’re like magnets. I move – he moves. I think – coffee, he puts on the kettle on for me (doesn’t work all the time unfortunately).

All I’ve ever wanted for my close friends and family is for them to be happy which includes the hope that they find a partner that respects and loves them at least as much as I do. However, it seems that in reality, the pursuit of happiness in love is almost an impossible dream for many young people these days and as I get a little bit older and start to tolerate things less and less, I’ve started to notice how different things have become since I left the game 7 years ago.

My single friends are upset that the guys that they’ve been seeing and dating recently don’t really seem to want to commit to a monogamous relationship and the Number 1 reason why they break up – cheating and dishonesty. Dating websites and apps like Tinder have made it so easy to hook up with people you match with, it’s as easy as ordering a pizza. There are a lot of people out there willing to meet strangers for sex and it happens all the time.

It’s not that I disapprove of casual sex and dating websites. I’m all for sexual freedom and…well…freedom in general for everyone. But I don’t think it’s fair to manipulate someone or to betray someone and it is just something that I would never do intentionally and I find it hard to understand serial cheaters and people that try and trick you on purpose.

From my personal experience, honesty and trust is the most important thing to keeping a relationship going. But people, these days, don’t want to be honest and trustworthy; it’s cooler to be with as many hot young things you can find in the club. Considering that marriages are becoming less and less common among our young urban elite, this isn’t surprising.

I would also argue that people expect too much of a person in a relationship. Too many Hollywood movies depict picture-perfect situations; a fairy tale marriage to a handsome billionaire. I think it has totally warped some people’s view of what a relationship should be and now, girls especially, are confused about what sort of guy that they want to do date. They want the guy with the muscles, but they also want the guy who is really intelligent. They want the thug, but they also want the guy in a suit. Realistically, nobody is going to tick every single one of your boxes so it’s unfair to expect so many contradictory things.

On the flip side, everyone has the right to be as choosy as they need to be in their choice of partner. If you’re not bothered with sleeping around then it’s obviously appropriate to not be so choosy. But if you are looking for something a little more serious, the most important piece of advice I can give is SELF RESTRAINT. If you meet someone for the first time, and you think you might want to see them again. DON’T sleep with them straight away. You should NEVER trust anyone that you don’t know very well and if there is a chemistry between the two of you, I promise you that you will notice it.

I guess what this meandering, aimless post is trying to say is:

Guys and Girls, Please try and understand what it’s like to be the “other” person in your relationship. Imagine for one moment what it might feel like to be the person on the receiving end of your actions. We are all human and deserved to be treated with respect and honesty. I’m sure that’s all most of us need to be happy in a relationship. For those still looking, don’t give up hope, there are so many amazing people in the world hidden amongst all the selfish pricks that only want to take from you. The latter have caused so much pain to my friends that one is so heartbroken that she’s leaving the country. To the people that were directly responsible for that, they will never know how many people have been affected by what they did but I’m losing a good friend because too many people treat dating like a sport. I will never forgive them for that.


Jay’s Blog – Ramblings: Nobody likes smokers

I saw a job advert recently for a Kitchen Porter which said: “We only hire non-smokers”. Which lead me to question – are smokers being discriminated against? Is that even allowed?

After a quick Google search, I discovered that yes, it is perfectly legal for employers to refuse applicants on the basis that they smoke. Now, I dunno about you, but I think that this is plain wrong.

Apparently (please – someone correct me if I’m wrong), the NHS do not give lung transplants to lung cancer patients. Which I kind of understand, apart from the fact that I pay almost 20% in VAT on top of an additional tax of 16.5% of the price paid at the till point. More than enough to pay for many lung transplant surgeries over my many years of smoking.

cigaretteLook, smokers aren’t stupid. It is a vice. Which is why we accept these ridiculous price increases year on year. We get that it’s supposed to be a deterrent and that many people see it as a dirty habit. But as a society, are we not pro-choice and have a right to live how we choose?

Cigarettes aren’t illegal yet because the government makes too much money off the back of the sale of tobacco products. According to the Tobacco Manufacturing Association website, £12.3 billion was made in Tax revenue from the sale of tobacco products in the UK in the years 2012-2013. In recent reports, it has been estimated that smokers cost the NHS £1.8 billion a year. From those figures, I’d say that we have more than paid for the right to free health care just like everybody else without being refused treatment. By that logic, anybody who does anything to harm their body in any way should be penalised in the same way.

I try my best to not smoke around kids. I can’t help it if your child decides to walk into a place where I’m smoking – I’m not moving my ass for no-one. There are RULES dammit! All I’m saying is that smokers are people too. I don’t particularly enjoy being tutted at by self righteous soccer mums so please don’t look down on us.

We’re just trying to look cool.

It’s been nearly a year…

Hello again world. I’m sure you haven’t missed me too much.

It’s been nearly a year since my last post and I need to get back into writing! I’ve finished my final exams for University and I’ve just officially been accepted onto a Masters course starting in September. Very exciting.

So what have I been up to this past year? Seriously, nothing much! All I’ve been doing since Christmas is trying to get my company up and running, working and doing obscene amounts of Uni work. It’s odd though! I thought that I would hate writing my dissertation but let me tell you, it was one of the most rewarding experiences in my entire life. Once you finish and read through the final draft, you will feel so proud of yourself. I’d always wanted to write a novel one day and if I could get through a final year dissertation (which ended up being nearly 100 A4 pages), I could totally do it if I wanted to.

I’ve been thinking about the future a lot recently. I feel that all my friends are in the same boat. Some are definitely more sorted out than others but I’m sure eventually we’ll all land on our feet. I think I keep forgetting that I’m only 23 and I’m impatient too so everything needs to be done NOW.

Whether you like it or not, I’m back with a vengeance. Hold tight for some new posts coming very soon!