It always happens at this time of year…#studentlife

I haven’t posted in ages. This always happened in January. Since I have little to no university work over December, generally I go on a Christmas posting frenzy! Then as soon as “real” work begins – *radio silence*. I do apologise for anyone who cares enough to have missed my ramblings. I will be trying to post more regularly over the next year. Can’t believe I’ve had the same blog for over 2 years – this is the longest commitment to any extra-curricular activity that I’ve ever started!

So, what’s been happening in the life of Jay? A crazy amount. Arrogant Pixel LTD is now officially incorporated as of the 27th January 2015 so Ben, Assad and I are now business owners! Movements are being made – I am so excited for this year.

We have been really busy this month getting the new website put together while working furiously to get this game we’ve been working on released. Pulling all nighters and not getting enough food or sleep over the past few weeks has been tolling but now that everything is starting to come together, I can kind of see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is very satisfying.

I hope everyone’s year has started off with a bang like mine has! 2014 was rubbish – the real journey and adventure begins in 2015, I can feel it.

Kaley Cuoco on why she’s NOT a feminist in interview

Kaley Cuoco on why she’s NOT a feminist in interview with Redbook magazine | Daily Mail Online.

There are a lot of reasons why I am disturbed and a little disappointed about this article. First of all, I’m pissed off that everyone is talking about it in the first place.

As a feminist, I am pro choice and an equalist. I believe that any human, male or female or LGBT individuals, are as valuable as each other and I do accept that there are physiological differences that make individuals predisposed to pursuing specific roles in society and indeed, in the home. I would argue though, this has more to do with personality and upbringing than it has to do with whatever pair of chromosomes you happen to have.

I can only draw from personal experience but I’m sure there are plenty of articles that would reinforce the points that I’m trying to make.

The article that I have provided links to, promotes a post-feminist message of: “It’s ok, to want to stay at home and provide for your man”. It is exactly the attitude of so many young women and teenagers that have clearly benefited from the work of feminists that have brought about legal and social changes that allow women to have jobs and vote but the individuals themselves have no drive to push forward anymore and are now comfortable.

Some women, like Kaley Cuoco, are incredibly fortunate. She has the option to stay at home and look after their husband. She also has the option to go out and pursue an income and seeing as she’s currently earning millions from appearing on the Big Bang Theory, she doesn’t need to really do anything if she doesn’t want to.

I would argue, if an individual is not a famous TV star, and chooses to stay at home and look after their partner without earning their own wages, they choose to hand over the control to the other party. In any relationship, if the power balance is too far in favour of one person, the other can easily be taken advantage of. In other words, you are effectively trapped.

On the flip side, I feel sorry for men. Not only is there social pressure for them to provide for their family, it is more socially acceptable for women to completely take advantage of this. Except that men don’t have the option of being the home maker since there is inadequate paternity care support. If a woman chooses to completely ruin a life, there is no social stigma even if she took everything.

This is decidedly unfair but some women are going back to an almost victorian way of thinking and rejecting the freedom that they have been offered because it’s too frightening. It’s easier to give-up and hand over the responsibility to the man who will provide everything for them.

But open your eyes! Men are feeling more and more inadequate as women gain strength and with the current living cost and property crisis, only the very rich and fortunate can afford to not work and stay at home with their families. Men are no longer earning enough by themselves to support a family. It isn’t fair, if your man isn’t earning huge amounts of money, if you demand that he looks after you while you sit at home painting your nails. There are plenty of women out there that have kids that work part-time or full-time alongside their partner in order to support their household.

In conclusion, this sort of “post-feminism” is bull shit and shouldn’t really be making headlines. Celebrity lifestyles are NOT something that ordinary people should try and emulate because it is simply not realistic. Kaley Cuoco should have known that the red top newspapers will just grab the “I’m not a feminist” slogan and run with it.

At this moment in time, women in the western world are “more equal” than men. We choose when to have babies, we choose our own husbands, we choose our own path in life…etc. It’s a shame that so many young people would rather sacrifice their own opportunities just to coast through life by leeching off someone else and not using their own brains to get ahead in life.

My favourite festive tune: Kidnap the Sandy Claws (Nightmare before Christmas) – Korn cover

Nightmare before Christmas completely changed my life. I was two or three years old when this came out in cinemas in 1993 and I was enthralled. I actually think this was what lead me to become this tiny goth fanatic at such an early age. It lead me to Vincent Price, Christopher Lee, Hammer Horror, Edgar Allen Poe, Dracula, Frankenstein…the list goes on and on.

This song combines my love for this movie and my love for KoRn whilst also being appropriate for Christmas times. I hope you enjoy.

I have grown out of metal slightly but this year in keeping with my anti-festive spirit, I have been listening to a lot more than usual. Though the “anti-festive” thing isn’t strictly true, I always have a good time at Christmas. This year was no exception, I just wish I wasn’t so anxious about a lot of other things. Having Uni work to do over the festive period has not really helped my stress levels.

However, I hope everyone has had time to relax and spend time with their loved ones. I’m thankful that the year is nearly over and looking forward to experiencing a kind of symbolic rebirth on new years. Happy holidays and roll on 2015!

Jay’s Ramblings – Why I’m proud of being an HSP personality type

I first became interested in personality types when studying for my undergraduate degree. It has helped me understand myself and the actions of others around me and since then, I have found myself analysing my friends and family and making mental notes of the personality types that they might be.

I found recently that this kind of behaviour is typical for HSPs (Highly sensitive people). This link I found is pretty much the only self test that I’ve been able to find that was on a reputable website. Of course, no personality survey should be taken at face value and it doesn’t diagnose or solve anything. I was just curious! But of course, I checked 25 out of 27. Here it is if you want to check it out: http://www.hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

To tell the truth, the reason I stumbled across this website was because I was frustrated that I seemed to be reacting completely differently to other people when watching violent, tense or scary TV shows or movies. I tend to avoid them if I can but I don’t think it’s normal that I grit my teeth when watching Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones. I know, I know, those shows aren’t THAT violent but think of how I would react to a movie like Saw. I’ve seen Saw. I don’t think I could tell you anything about the plot or characters, instead I have images of Jigsaw burned permanently into my mind. Of course I’ve lied to my friends so that they don’t think I’m a pussy but I am so so tired of keeping up this facade and I don’t know why anyone would enjoy watching someone cutting off their own leg. I mean, there are plenty of other things that I would rather watch.

I’ve always felt that my brain was wired differently to everyone else’s and some things genuinely still baffle me about other people’s behaviour. When I was a teenager, I used to regularly be moved to tears by songs. As an adult, I’m able to keep a lid on the tears but instead of crying, I will sit there and tear apart the song analysing every chord change, every instrument in the sound scape and rewind to the solo so I can listen to it over and over. I love to get lost in the detail in anything and everything that I do.

According to the website, this personality trait affects around 15-20% of the population which is too much to be a disorder but a small enough number to not be well understood by the majority. In fact, up until recently, HSP has been mislabelled as introversion, neuroticism or shyness but it has been agreed that HSPs can be both introverted and extroverted. Specifically, HSPs are more aware than others of subtleties, easily overwhelmed, sensitive to other’s moods, deeply moved by the arts or music.

As an artist / creative person, I’m thankful that I have a personality that is more sensitive to emotions and I’m glad that I am sensitive to other people’s moods. I look at other people who just don’t seem to have the ability to read the room or seem to just not care about other people’s feelings at all.

On the flip side, being an HSP personality type also means that I get upset easily and take things really personally. So whether I feel that I’m being undermined or even if I’m just having a really unlucky day, I’ll feel that the world is just 100% against me for that moment in time and I almost won’t be able to function properly unless I have a sandwich or a smoke.

The thing is with all these different personality types and quizzes is that there are all completely subjective because you could, in theory, get a different result each time you answer the questions. However, everyone knows in their heart of hearts that they fit in a certain group (ie. an extrovert couldn’t possibly think they were an introvert) – but it is also a well known fact that some people find it difficult to be honest with themselves so an accurate result in this case would be impossible.

The good thing about being aware of your personality type is that you become to understand why you think and act a certain way and once you have addressed it, you can recognise and work on areas of your personality that you aren’t proud of. Additionally, being able to recognise certain traits in others will help you understand and empathise more with them. In business, in love and in life – being able to understand the way people work will only be an advantage to you.

I’ve provided links to a few well known personality tests  and websites below, if you are interested.

Leave a comment and tell me what your type is!

Official Myers Briggs website (FYI only, you have to pay!) – http://www.myersbriggs.org/

Free test based on Isabel Briggs Myers and Carl Jung – http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

HSP personality type test – http://www.hsperson.com/

Jay’s Ramblings: Yellow fever exists. Deal with it.

‘Yellow fever’ fetish: Why do so many white men want to date a Chinese woman? – Telegraph.

Margaret Cho - complete badass Korean comedian

Margaret Cho – complete badass Korean comedian

I recently stumbled across this article on the Telegraph online talking about “Yellow fever” and was absolutely appalled by the content. For those of you not familiar with the term, “Yellow fever” is basically a sexual fetish where men prefer women from East Asia (Japan, Korea, China…etc.etc). I admit that the fetish exists and that there are a few websites that cater to people who are “afflicted”. It’s really annoying because I worry that my boyfriend might get labelled as a creep just because I’m from Korea but I always make sure that people hear me speak. I’m pretty loud, really British accent, you can’t miss me easily – especially with my platinum bleach blonde hair that I’m rocking at the moment!

Not tooting my own horn here but I have been stopped in the street by random strangers who want to know me simply because I’m Asian. I do feel offended and uncomfortable that people I don’t know are thinking of me in that way but to be honest, its a problem with all men and not just those that are into Asians. There are plenty of girls that aren’t Asian that suffer casual sexism every day just because they look a certain way so I don’t feel unique in my position.

As a result, the author of this article has come to the conclusion that because of this hyper sexualisation of Asian women, we are not being represented properly in politics or popular culture.

Park Geun-hye – South korean president

I disagree with this since the South Korean president, for a start, is female. If asian women aren’t being represented properly, it is their own countries that are failing them. Here in the UK, I don’t feel that I am at any disadvantage or advantage by being an Asian female. This is because I watch Lost, JPod, Harold and Kumar, The Walking Dead, Marvel’s Agents of Shield…etc. in which the actors and actresses don’t play to the typical stereotype at all and are well written and important characters.

In fact, the opinion that Asian females only get certain roles is quite dated. Films from about 5-10 years ago, of course they were a bit racist. Memoirs of a Geisha was written by an American author in 1997; clearly Arthur Golden loved Japan and its culture but in terms of the storyline and context, much of it was made up. Look at all those Kung Fu movies! It isn’t REAL Kung fu! Many people only think of these films and books because for a lot of people, this was the first time they were exposed to Asian culture.

Ming-Na Wen playing Melinda May in Marvel Agent's of Shield

Ming-Na Wen playing Melinda May in Marvel Agent’s of Shield

MOVING ON from Kung Fu movies, Hollywood and TV have embraced Asian actors and actresses in a variety of different roles. Also, you have to think of the initial language barrier. It isn’t hard to imagine that immigrant Actors and Actresses will have a hard time getting a job if they have a strong accent or are only able to fill certain roles. Now that we have such a strong population of Asians that have grown up in English speaking countries such as the UK or USA, more and more opportunities are opening up because we are now part of the fabric of society.

To say that we aren’t represented in the media or politics is fundamentally wrong because there are so many examples of Asian women in powerful positions right now and it’s only going to improve over time. Margaret Cho, Karen O from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs….I could go on and on and on.

We need to be realistic about what we can and can’t achieve. Yes, we will always look a certain way, but individuals certainly aren’t the same cookie cutter personality and whining about it makes us look lazy. Get off your ass and be somebody if you want to be someone!

Jay’s Ramblings: So…I’m now engaged!

I’m not the kind of girl that swoons over first kiss or proposal stories. Honestly, I’ve never understood why people really fantasise about it when the reality probably won’t match up to the expectation. I understand why people get excited about getting engaged and getting married and stuff but for me, it certainly was not the holy grail.

But it’s happened! I am now officially off the market and have a ring to prove it. I didn’t want one that was the same as everyone else’s so my amazing fiance helped me look on Etsy for a vintage jeweller. I will get a unique ring if it kills me dammit! I fell in love with this 1930s Art Deco set from New York because of the distinctive illusion rose setting and also just because I love the avant garde jazz era art style. Really pleased with how it looks in real life too!

As a practical person, I’ve always wanted to get an Engagement ring and wedding ring set so that they both matched. Click on the banner below to have a look at all the other cool stuff she has for sale!

I don’t believe that women should get all of the fun so I’m going to buy my future hubs his engagement / wedding ring in the next few weeks. I’ll make him wear it every day even though we’re not married yet to ward off other jealous women.

I don’t care that things weren’t “typically” romantic. I hate that shit. All I know is that I can’t wait to get really really old with my best friend in the world. That’s all that matters to me.

Ramblings: Let’s have a “Perfect Valentines day”

The thing is, every girl wishes that they don’t care about Valentines Day but in secret everyone wants a big fuss made out of them on the most “romantic day of the year”.

With Valentines day around the corner, in fact only a few days away, places like Tescos and Moonpig.com have been spamming TV adverts in an attempt to get guys to buy £25 bouquet of roses for their lovely ladies. But I don’t think that Valentines day is about how much money you spend but actually how much effort you put in to making her have a really special day.

A lot of my friends are dudes so they’ve all been freaking out about it recently. I’ve been trying to help them: “It’s Valentines day. Fuck. What do I do?”

Most relationships settle into a routine after a while so on special occasions like Valentines day, she will DEFINITELY expect the unexpected. Don’t take her to the same restaurant you took her to last year and say that it’s a “Valentines Day tradition” because that’s just lazy.

If you’re broke. You’re broke. Don’t get into debt over Valentines day, just get creative! If you’re a musician, write her a song. If you’re an artist, paint a portrait. Even if you lack any “creativity” making your own card and playlist for her would be really sweet. Finding a completely ‘YOU’ way of saying I love you is literally the most adorable thing ever.

Happy Valentines Day ❤ Have fun. Use a condom. lol.